There are a considerable number of problems that come with dating a narcissist. Nevertheless, many people are drawn to narcissistic relationships. Studies have found narcissists to be more desirable and attractive to people as potential dates.
The fact that a narcissistic person demands a lot of their partner is no great surprise. One recent study showed that narcissism is actually “driven by insecurity, and not an inflated sense of self.
In this way, although they may put on an air of confidence in public, privately much of their identity feels fragile. Thus, when we are close to a narcissist, we may become an instrument they employ to try to buoy themselves up or feel good about themselves.
Even though a narcissist can take up a lot of space in our lives and keep us in their shadow, we may feel like we’re basking in their glow by staying close to them.
If we were to lose them, we would also lose the spotlight that shines on them. We may feel resistant to leaving, because we’re afraid of sacrificing the feeling of specialness we gained by being linked to them.
Because in a narcissistic relationship we have taken on so many of the other person’s struggles and so much of their identity as our own, we may feel like we’d be giving up part of ourselves if we were to leave them.
If they have become the center of our world, we may then feel lost without them. Thus, even though the relationship has dark aspects, we imagine we’ll be left completely in the dark if we walk away.
Sadly, we all have a side of us that doubts and diminishes who we are. We all possess a “critical inner voice” that tells us we are unworthy or undesirable in all kinds of ways.
. Being with a narcissist may make us feel a little better about ourselves in some respects, because we feel good that someone with such a seemingly high opinion of themselves chose us.