One of the key signs of a secure and healthy relationship is the ability to be honest. Having a partner with whom we can communicate freely and easily is a fundamental piece of the puzzle when it comes to achieving genuine closeness. It’s also the only way for the person we’re with to truly know us for who we are.
There are nine functions of our middle prefrontal cortex, which include body regulation, attuned communication, emotional balance, response flexibility, empathy, insight or self-knowing awareness, fear modulation, intuition, and morality.
We want these functions to be working well, not shutting off, when we’re talking to someone close to us about a personal issue.
Often, our first instinct when we feel wronged is to attack. Again, this is almost never a useful strategy when communicating with someone we care about.
That’s not to say there aren’t times when we have genuine reason to be angry, and we certainly have a right to express it. However, tearing the other person down,
This is really hard to do when we’re angry, and even harder when we feel righteous. Yet, we do ourselves a service when we’re willing to think about our part in whatever conflict we’re experiencing. If we want openness from our partner, we have to be open ourselves.
When we approach them, we should try to come from a place of vulnerability. We should make the effort to focus on what matters to us most and express that. Rather than using blaming language about what they did, we should describe how we feel and what we want.
As we become more vulnerable and open in our communication, we have to invite the same from our partner. That means taking the, sometimes difficult, step of listening to what they have to say. Our goal during this process is often to pick apart what the other person is getting wrong and arguing.
We can make an effort to be open to their perception and empathetic to what they felt. We shouldn’t interrupt or jump in to be defensive.