As much as being in love can feel like a natural state we either experience or don’t, we have a lot more say in it than we may think. Research has shown that taking more loving actions can make couples feel more in love.
When we spend a lot of time with someone, on the one hand we may feel we know them better than anyone else. On the other hand, we may stop noticing certain things about them as they become more familiar to us. This isn’t because we’re not interested or don’t care.
It’s often just because our lives can get busy, routinized, or comfortable in such a way that we stop actively getting to know the other person.
In addition to hearing what they vocalize, we should always try to notice what lights our partner up. It’s pretty easy to distinguish the times where they seem bored and keep checking their phones from those where they’re smiling and animated.
This doesn’t mean we’re responsible for making them happy 100 percent of the time.
None of us are mind readers, and we can’t be expected to intuit what another person wants and needs at all times.
It’s more than okay to ask questions and encourage our partner to let us know where they’re at and what they need from us. By that same measure, we should keep checking in with ourselves about what we need and want to make us feel loved and fulfilled.
Chances are, the warm ways our partner treats us are somewhat reflective of a way they enjoy being treated. If they seek out a lot of physical contact or take pleasure in small acts of generosity and kindness,
Relationships shouldn’t be about sacrifice. If making another person happy on a consistent basis means making ourselves miserable, something may really be off and the relationship may be worth examining. However, we should always be embracing of the fact that our partner is a separate person from ourselves.