Reevaluating the notion of attraction and relationship dynamics. Exploring personal experiences with being drawn to individuals with addiction issues and the desire to break the pattern.
It may be hard to believe that you have a common pattern. Your past loves are all so different! But, are they really?
Try describing each ex in detail — physically, personality, good habits, bad habits, things you loved, things you hated, hobbies, jobs. Make it a really detailed description.
When you finish, have a look at and make a note of how many similarities there are. Highlight any big similarities or ones that would not have been obvious.
For me, the commonality was my exes having the edge that adrenaline seekers have. I found it to be irresistible. Another common trait that attracts me is confidence. Note what your own patterns and commonalities are.
Once you identify your patterns, it is possible to change them. If you know exactly what it is (people who enjoy adrenaline for example), you can look at the different ways of getting that same trait or feeling without the negative aspects.You push each other to do better.
To change your patterns, you might have to do some work on yourself so that you more deeply understand what you are looking for in that emotionally unavailable person or in that narcissistic person.
Though initial chemistry can almost compel us to focus on one person. Taking a step back and looking at the wider pool of possible partners can help us choose more wisely.
Attraction can be nurtured and grown. All you need is a spark. Spending time with the person and focusing on them more deeply can fan that spark into a flame. If the flame doesn’t catch, then simply let go and move on.