Expectations around how they want to be loved. Expectations around how frequently they will communicate with each other. Expectations around what their sex lives will look like. Truly, the potential number of expectations someone can have when they start a relationship is endless.
People are not mind readers. No one can know what you want from them in every moment without you expressing your desires. When you withhold your needs or desires from your partner, you are abandoning yourself.
If you want to be in a highly functioning relationship, learn to communicate your personal desires. Some people think that it’s easy to tell their partner what they want, but it’s often not.
While you should absolutely make an effort to have a deep and resilient love for your intimate partner, there are certain conditions that, if broken, are going to have an impact on your love for them (or on the relationship itself).
Maybe they hit you. Maybe they have come home drunk every night for weeks on end and it’s affecting the relationship. Maybe they haven’t said a word to you in over a week despite living together. Would your love not become conditional if any of these were to occur?
I hear this one quite often just because of what my line of work is, but I’ve heard it from clients, non-clients, friends, family members, and people from all walks of life.
There’s this romantic notion that if a relationship is destined to work out, then it should work out, with no effort or intentionality from the partners involved. It should function on autopilot. It should be effortless. And there should never be anything that feels like “work.”