Relationship triggers are often derived from our family of origin and formative relationships. You have preconceived notions about what makes you feel noticed, validated, safe, and appreciated,
A trigger from my past relationship(s) may be spilling over into my present relationship.
We expect that others will automatically understand us or will seek to, but no one will be able to read your mind, as much as you would like them to.
Ask yourself whether you’re in a state of connection or protection. That helps to focus your awareness on your thoughts, feelings, and bodily sensations and assess how open you are to listening, healing, and repairing.
Ask yourself, "What’s my part in this, and can I accept it, face it, and work with it?
Avoiding responsibility and blaming others is a common tendency, but facing our flaws and making personal changes is essential for growth. Embrace discomfort and stay committed to relationships for meaningful transformation.
. We all have personal insecurities that sometimes get the best of us. In regard to relationships, they tend to corral us into making broad generalizations about who and how we are.
When you have an intense emotional reaction to someone, recognize that it often activates a judgment about their behavior and who they are. Intentionally label the judgment and metaphorically put it on reserve.
I can be aware of and reserve my judgments because not everything is what it seems.
Actions don't define a person entirely. Instead of generalizing based on behavior, understand it's just a part of who they are in that moment.
Acting out behaviors are not a reflection of who you or others fundamentally are.
Attaching to our absolutes of they "should," "ought to," or "must" breeds demanding and controlling thoughts and behaviors. No one is expected to think, feel, and behave like you.
Assess if you’re “shoulding” and going down the blaming, shaming, or condemning path.
often hear individuals saying that unless the other person feels and expresses remorse or sorrow that they’ve been hurtful, then they won’t fully feel vindicated and validated.
Another person doesn’t need to validate my thoughts, feelings, or experience. Validation is an inside job.
When you or someone you’re interacting with has a strong reaction, try to think about or extrapolate what value is intrinsically important and motivating your or their behavior.